Friday, February 19, 2011

By now, those who follow my blog are aware there are a wide variety of thoughts pinging their way around my head any given day, and I’m no shy to share them here. So why should today be any different. Right?

We read it in the papers, hear it on the news, view articles about it in magazines and listen to folks discuss the topic—should parents be held accountable for the wrongdoings their children commit. There have been laws posed that would send the parents of truant kids to jail. Also, laws have be proposed that would send the parents of kids who commit crimes to jail instead of the child themselves. Additionally, lawmakers have tried to make it the financial responsibility of parents when their kids do something wrong. And then there’s the whole part of the local community turning their back on the parents at a time when they most likely need understanding and support.

So these are my questions. If a parent is doing everything in their power to keep their child under control, have made use of all resources available to them, and still the child acts up, should the parent be held accountable for what their children do? At what point does it become the responsibility of the child themselves to be made to pay for their culpability? What if the child appears to be doing the right thing, going through all the motions of having things under control only to suddenly surprise everyone by committing a random act against the law? Who’s to blame then? The child? The parent? School officials who didn’t notice the warning signs if there were any?

In theory, it sounds all fine and dandy to hold a parent accountable for the acts their child commits—but only in theory. When one looks on a deeper level at what drives the child or if, in fact, there is nothing the parent can do to control them, then one must take a step back and realize that perhaps it’s time for the child themselves to step up and be made to pay financially or otherwise for their own offenses.

In addition, if the parent is held accountable, is one or both put behind bars. If the answer is both, then what happens to the other kids that might be in the family? Why must they be made to suffer for the crimes of their wayward sibling?

Parenting is hard—the most challenging job one can ever enter into. Some take it seriously and yet, despite everything they do, one or more of their kids ends up getting in serous trouble with the law. Other parents exert the bare minimum effort and some are lucky enough to have kids that toe the line, doing what is expected and in keeping with the laws. In my opinion, to universally hold a parent responsible for their wayward child is not only irresponsible but can be damaging to others involved: other siblings, the parents themselves, community members.

There’s no easy answer and nor should there be a universal code to which all must be held accountable. In my humble opinion, I think each case is as individual as the people involved. Let’s not forget that these cases do involve people—real human beings with foibles just the same as you and me who don’t need to be shunned for their shortcomings. Instead, they could benefit from a little empathy.