Monday, May 16, 2011


There are individuals who just have to “fix” things.  I’m not talking about them repairing gadgets but rather people they know who are having a hard time.  Some of these “fixers” can be a bit pushy with their desires.  It’s admirable that they want to help make things better.  But I believe it’s important for fixers to recognize that there is a time and place for them to intercede.  And, when it’s not appropriate, or they’ve been asked to back off, they need to respect those limits, not continue to try to fix things, for by carrying on, they only complicate matters.
So here’s something I wonder.  If that fixer is the one who cased the unrest in the first place, then do they have a right to fix the problem they created?  Or would their trying only complicate the situation?  Might it be better for them to take a step back and allow things to settle?  Let the others involved have the time and space necessary for things to be processed?
I’m not one of these fixers, but I’ve experienced them.  Each time our paths cross, I find myself at a loss of how to get them to take a step back, without hurting their feelings.  In the meantime, I need to attempt to work out the whatever on my own—first—knowing that if I can’t, I can seek the fixer’s help.  Complicating matters is when the fixer is the one who has caused the problem.  Then I’m really at a loss.  They seem to double their efforts to help.  I want nothing more than to distance myself, needing time and space.  Regardless of how many times I try to nicely communicate such, the fixer just keeps trying to mend things, only muddying the water.  And, on the rare occasions where I feel the best approach is to not respond to the outreaching of the fixer in an attempt to gain the time and space I need, the fixer becomes hyper assertive in their efforts to make contact with me.
So how does one handle a fixer?  Is there a proven method to smooth down their ruffled feathers while maintaining what one needs to process if not mend things on their own?

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