Sunday, October 9, 2011

Alone, our minds struggle, as they turn inward, seeking to unravel the mysteries of the answers we desire.  There are times when this inward “retreat” is a necessary part of dissecting things that have transpired.  How they make us feel.  How they impact us.  How they change the course of our personal journeys.

On other occasions, we reject the concept of turning inward as a means to better focus, blocking abstract outside influences that might otherwise cloud our judgment.  Doing so allows us to zero in on those things that might otherwise slip past our vision.  Subtle nuances of interactions between others.  Dynamics that guide the manner in which individuals conduct themselves.  The perception of one to another.

Being drawn outside ourselves by those who are close is tricky business.  On the one hand, there are times when we just want to be left alone, and having things “poked at” can be irritating.  But…one can always benefit from things being put into better perspective by hearing the opinions of those we trust enough to allow within our innermost circle.

Having individuals who can get inside our walls of defense when we try to turn inward is a blessing.  Why?  Because they have the ability to push us beyond our comfort level and get us to take a closer look at things we might otherwise want to ignore.  But again, this is tricky business.

First off, it’s hard to allow one’s self to be drawn out when all we want to do is retreat.  And then, to have delicate subjects not only touched upon but also then ripped open and fully dissected can leave us feeling vulnerable. 

The trick lies in not reacting in a defensive manner, for doing so is counterproductive to personal growth.  I believe that being oversensitive is an indication of one’s insecurities coming to the surface.  I should know, having spent an inordinate amount of time struggling to overcome this.

So where then lies the balance?  Do we allow ourselves the luxury of turning inward whenever we feel the urge?  Or is doing so a form of crutch—a learned lifelong behavior that disables our ability to be completely objective about things we have experienced?

I believe the answer is a bit of both.  Yes, we do need to turn inward—from time to time, but not always, and certainly not as a means of escape.  For me, I rely on those close to draw me out when needed.  Course, this doesn’t mean I won’t kvetch against their efforts.  I have, do and will likely repeat this in the future.  But I’m getting better at resisting the urge to pull away when those close to me gently point out that I might want to take a closer look at things that I’m actively avoiding.  Instead of tuning them out or becoming defensive, I let the mantra: they’re only trying to help, listen and I might learn something, play out in my head as I listen—really hear—what the individual has to say.  And you know what?  More times than not, by opening myself up, I learn new sensibilities that would have taken forever to occur to me if left to my own devices.