Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2012

Why do some find it hard to understand when they’ve crossed a line?  Here’s what I mean.  When another has offered to help them…and then has, but the receiver isn’t willing to live up to their end of the arrangement, why does the one getting the help find it hard to understand that since they weren’t willing to do their part of the work to achieve whatever end goal was sought, the one offering the help will rescind their offer to assist?  I believe the helper has every right to refuse to continuing doing the lion’s share of the work when the other person is just…just…well, who knows what the other person is doing.  All that is known is that they don’t follow through with what they committed to do.

So, the offer of help is discontinued.  Both individuals move on.  But then…the one who shirked their half of the original bargain just can’t seem to move forward.  To get on with life without the other person guiding them.  What then?  After all, the one who originally offered to help did so believing that the other person would live up to their end of the bargain.  When they didn’t, the offer was taken back. 

Seems fair….

But what does a helper do with the one they’ve been helping just doesn’t get the clue?  Refuses to move on?  Keeps hounding the helper? 

I’ve watched this very scenario play out with friends and have had the unfortunate experience to go through it myself a time or two.  Each time makes me question why I offer help to others in the first place.  But then…I think of all the good outcomes I’ve had and measure that against the few that have gone bad.  Doing so restores my faith in wanting to reach out and do what I can for others.

My friends feel the same as I.  How do I know?  Because we discuss it often enough.  One of those friends is currently caught up in the tangled I-can’t-seem-to-get-rid-of-the-person-I-was-helping web.  It’s hard to watch, but I’m proud of my friend for sticking to their guns by refusing to let that other person dominate their life.  After all, the recipient had the chance to gain help from my friend but decided to slack over and over again until finally, my friend had enough and refused further assistance.

So what do you do when stuck in the scenario my friend is currently in?  Simple.  You stick to your guns instead of letting the other person bully, manipulate or guilt you into “helping” them further.  Why?  Because the person doesn’t want help.  No, what they seek is to control another’s time and efforts.  It’s not acceptable for a person to cross that line.