Thursday, November 4, 2010

Maintaining a relationship is never as easy as it looks. And recovering from one that has been broken can be a real challenge.

On some level, each of us has had to find ways to cope with this. Whether it’s been a failed marriage, strained relationship or alienated friend, all possess a commonality. It takes far more energy to remain upset than it does to find a way to reconcile to the point of mutual friendliness. With this being true, why do many folks work so hard at maintaining feelings of animosity when behaving civilly towards one another takes less energy and leaves one feeling better about themselves?

I’m not saying to forgive and forget all that’s transpired, for I’m a firm believer that remembering is a good thing, as it helps prevent us from making the same mistakes. But doesn’t it sound more appealing to rise to a level of behaving in a mature friendly manner towards one another than to walk around, carrying a ton of bitterness on your shoulders? This hostility won’t only affect the one you’re upset with but anyone else unfortunate enough to be in the “fallout zone?”

That brings me to my next point.

When one allows resentment and anger to fester to the point that it inhibits them from acting like civilized adults capable of being in the same room with one another without having homicidal thoughts, everyone loses. In that equation, not only does the one you’re upset with get caught up in your blast zone, but also your mutual friends and family take away scars when they have to choose between dealing with your childish behavior or distancing themselves in the interest of staying sane. In the end, the one who loses most is you.

By placing a higher value on maintaining your rancor, which undoubtedly presents itself in the form of antagonism, you stress your body and emotions to the point where you can become exhausted if not ill. And by prioritizing “hurting” the person you’re angry with over all else, you end up alienating those who could and would be there to support you if only you didn’t drive them away with you behavior.

No, maintaining a relationship is never as easy as it looks. And when that relationship has suffered a break, rebuilding it to the point of being able to behave civilly with one another can take a monumental effort. But in the long run, making that effort allows everyone to walk away a winner—yourself included.