Sunday, January 30, 2011

Can the closeness shared between two friends be considered symbiosis?

Friends—real friends—are there for one another. Sure they live their own lives, but when they sense or are made aware that one of their friends is in need, it matters not what else is going on, or that they might be exhausted. Instead, they drop everything and help the one in need.

Departing an establishment late last night and alone, I asked a friend to walk me to my car. Without hesitation, he agreed. Standing alongside my vehicle, I took the time to let him vent over a difficult situation he’s in, one that’s been tearing him apart for the better part of a year and recently came to a head. What he needed was someone to listen—really listen to him—a friend—a true friend. And so I stood there, shivering in the cold night air, but warmed within, recognizing the great gift this friend had given me—that of his trust.

About twenty minutes into our discussion, my friend returned the favor when he spun around and protected me from a potential threat—an unknown male who had stealthily and with lightening speed snuck up on us. One second, my friend was spilling his heart out to me, the next, noticing the sudden look of concern on my face, he spun around, placing me behind his back and went all pit bull, protective big brother on the man. The stranger, surprised by the rapid change in my friend’s demeanor, scurried away as fast as he could, realizing this was not a battle he wanted a piece of.

Earlier in the evening, I’d given moral and emotional support to another friend, celebrating her birthday, who was distraught to the point of being fearful over an upcoming event. Noticing her body trembling with dread, I wrapped my arms around her, cocooning her in an embrace that she later shared had brought her the greatest peace and calm. As I held her, I felt her anxiety slip away replaced by an intestinal fortitude that couldn’t have made me more proud. Not long after, I stood in awe as my girlfriend faced her demon with poise and strength. Watching her, I was taught something new—how someone who believes they don’t have what it takes can and will triumph if shored up by loved ones. When my girlfriend had completed her ordeal, I told her with the utmost sincerity that she was my new hero. Hearing my words, her eyes welled with tears and she was rendered speechless.

And yet another friend, having been repeatedly dumped on and treated like another’s personal doormat, found the courage to turn the tables. They didn’t get hurt or resort to the same below-the-belt tactics that had been inflicted on them for over a year. No. Instead, they exacted inner strength they hadn’t known they possessed, which had been brought to the surface by the continued support of loving friends. With sheer delight and a pride bordering on parental, I witnessed that friend take control of the situation that had battered them for the past year by walking away, their pride and dignity intact.

The thread that weaves all these together is friendship. Without it each person might have succeeded, but the effort to do such could have proven overwhelming. Yet through the love and support of cherished and trusted friends, each person was made stronger, more capable and better able to prevail.

I know that for me, my friends are like family. There’s a core element that ties us together as surely as if we shared the same blood running through our veins. And that which binds us to one another provides us with strength we most likely wouldn’t have on our own. I long since lost track of the number of times friends have shored me up and know that without them, I wouldn’t be half the person I am.

So yes, I would say that the closeness shared between two friends could be considered symbiosis.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I’m the first to admit that I’m not a morning person or one who enjoys cold. But there are occasions when both can yield wonderful delights.

I got a text from a girlfriend yesterday. She wanted to know if I’d be interested in going for a strenuous six-mile hike complete with lush greenery, waterfalls—three of them—and pools of crystal clear water, hiking the whole while alongside a wide stream, brimming with water. My fingers couldn’t type fast enough that heck, yeah, I was game.

As we’ve hiked together in the afternoon before, I was a bit surprised when she texted back that we’d meet there at 8:00 AM. And it would take half an hour to get there. Hmmm…doing the math of what time I’d have to get up and then checking the hour-by-hour weather conditions for that area, my initial enthusiasm lost some of its luster. But, I knew we’d have a good time challenging ourselves with the hike, soaking up nature and catching up with one another, so I wrote back that I was looking forward.

Arriving at the location, which was up in the hills, a formidable set of mountains created a valley through which the wind whipped down on us. People hugged their bodies tighter as they zipped up their jackets and put on mittens. The majority, being native Californians, we discussed how the already 46-degree weather was cold enough without wind chill. And that was at the bottom of the mountain. They were to drive us up to the drop-off point a couple of miles up for us to then begin our hike.

Climbing into the van an hour later after sign in and gathering everyone into the appropriate groups, my girlfriend and I were more than grateful for the car’s heater. We were dropped off and immediately set out, anxious to explore this trail, which neither of us had ever hiked before.

Within minutes, our rapid pace warmed our bodies and we were rewarded with the remnants of old cabin foundations, there for well over 100 years. Off to the side of one were three of the largest yucca plants I had ever seen. They were ten to twelve feet across! I pointed them out to my girlfriend who, like me, stood there, mouth agape, gawking at the flora that looked like it belonged on another planet.

As the trail, a narrow, often rock covered path, wound and hugged the edge of the mountain, us along with it less we lose our footing and plunge great distances, the blooms of fragrant vines and vegetation tantalized our noses. When we hit a path where the ground was littered with a blanket of crushed eucalyptus and oak leaves, the aroma caused both of us to slow our pace so we could drink in the air with great satisfaction.

We climbed steep switchbacks, one of my favorites, clamored over rocks where there was no other way to navigate and crossed wide streams, balancing and jumping from rock to rock with agility gained from a lifetime of having done such. Three miles later, we heard the unmistakable crashing of water falling from great heights. Rounding a corner, a three-tiered waterfall came into view, a luxurious lagoon at its base. There we took pictures and appreciated the view and power of the water before heading back to explore two other smaller waterfalls.

This is a location that is on private property and is only open to the public four days out of the year. So, how did I feel about having to get up early and brave the California cold? Like one of the luckiest people in the world! I got to immerse myself in nature, spend time with a wonderful friend, take in three waterfalls, didn’t plunge off the mountain, despite the dicey trail, and got to meet a lot of other cool people who, like us, were overflowing with gratitude and positive energy. As folks passed one another, pleasant and sincere greeting were offered. At one point, I looked at my girlfriend and said that was one of the best parts of hiking more challenges spots—those present always have happy, outgoing, positive attitudes. Well worth it to get up early and brave the chilly temperature to be surrounded by such.

Friday, January 29, 2011

Thank goodness it’s Friday!!!

There are some weeks when I can’t wait for the “official” workweek to end so I can have some fun. Other times, I’m so looking forward to something I’ve got planned for that weekend that anticipation runs high, and I can hardly contain my enthusiasm. Still other times, I’m just grateful that tomorrow will be the start of the weekend. When things will be a little less hectic.

This past week has awakened us each and every day with spectacular sunshine reflecting off the ground and summer-like temperatures—enough to make me giddy as can be. So why with the forecast of colder temps and grey skies am I still so happy? Simple, because I allowed myself to soak up some sun this week, using it like a trickle charge to reenergize my tanks. Now they’re fully fueled with enthusiasm, and so I’m looking forward to bleeding off some of that excess energy this weekend.

I like it when I feel this relaxed by the end of a week. Makes rolling into the weekend an absolute joy!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

There are times when the harshness of life tests the limits of individuals. When one, just embarking on their young adult years, is dealt the devastating news that they are going to die. And that death won’t be swift, or kind or show mercy, instead brining them to their knees with a sadistic cruelty. Or of an individual who finds himself or herself entangled in a web of unimaginable horrors as they unwittingly take the life of their best friend in a catastrophic accident.

When life throws such horrific and seemingly senseless curveballs, how are folks expected to carry on? To get up and dust themselves off, knowing that their future will bring with it pain and suffering at monumental levels? Some expect these individuals to cut away the extraneous in their lives when that may be the very thing that distracts their tortured mind enough to provide a momentary reprieve. Should folks who are being so tested extricate themselves from the superfluous? Or should they appreciate the extras for what they are—a glimpse of simpler less stressful times and an opportunity to escape?

I believe that it is the “fluff” surrounding us that can and does act as our safety nets. When life brings us to our knees, it’s those extras that can help foster within us the desire to carry on. Whether the fluff is comprised of luxuries, simple indulgences or the warm embrace of treasured ones, fluff serves a purpose. Standing just offstage and waiting for its curtain call, fluff holds us up when we’re too weak or broken to do so on our own.

As the promise of warmer temperatures and a new season peak onto the horizon, causing some to feel the itch to rid themselves of excess…whatever, be mindful of what you shed, for it might be that the very things you rid yourself of could be the ones to inspire you to carry on should your life take a sudden turn for the worse.

Wedneday, January 26, 2011

Two Mondays ago, our youngest daughter went in for surgery. Allow me to stress that she’s fine and will be. The following day, I awoke to discover that my two herniated disks in my lower spine had decided to flare up. Despite the obstacles, we all managed to muddle our way through the remainder of that week, coming out strong by the end of it.

This Monday, that same daughter went in for more surgery. Again, she’s fine and will be. This is a three-part procedure that needed to be done. That afternoon, Kai’s daddy, all set to help out, ended up eating tainted food from a drive-thru on his way to a job interview and spent the entire night and all of Tuesday suffering from food poisoning. To add insult to injury, the job interview was a waste of his time.

So when I awoke today, I was hoping for a bit of tranquility added into the mix. But, as life has an interesting way of testing us, calm was not to be. Instead, I awoke to discover literally thousands of termites had swarmed into our master bathroom. Spending the next hour-plus fixing and cleaning up that mess, I then settled into the rest of my day, running behind schedule and having to pick and choose what I could get accomplished versus what I had planned to do.

Did I allow what has been going on the past couple of weeks to get me down? No. Did I focus on the negative? No. Did I push through, knowing that this, too, would pass? Absolutely!

When I’ve written about positive attitude carrying one through and allowing them to not only set but also realize goals, this is what I was referring to. Sure I could have maintained a woe-why-me attitude, but I didn’t. That’s not my style. Instead, I tackled each occurrence as it came along, maintaining a positive attitude. Was this easy? Oh, no! So why bother? Because I was keenly aware that to do anything less would undermine my ability to triumph, making what I was going through worse.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I do apologize for the lag in my responding to comments made here over the past couple of days. Actually, I was locked out of being able to reply during that time…until now, by the same frustrating comment-posting problem others and I have been experiencing on this site. Up until last night, my Webmaster and IT specialist thought they had diagnosed the problem to be one that stemmed with the server. But then tonight, that theory was blown out of the water.

Ugh!

So, it’s back to the drawing board.

I’ve looked into having a whole new site built from the ground up, but am reluctant to do so until the problem with this site has been identified. My fear is that I’ll go through the trouble, expense, etc to have a whole new site built only to have the problem recur with that new site. As such, I again apologize to those who have found themselves unable to post comments here and ask for your continued patience as we work behind-the-scenes to decipher the root of the problem.

Monday, January 24, 2011

"Sanity may be madness, but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be."

—Don Quixote

I came across the abovementioned quote today and felt it epitomized what I’ve been touching on for the past few weeks. Since the New Year, I’ve written about viewing the world through a positive prism, seeing things from the perspectives of others by immersing and surrounding one’s self in a wide variety of circumstances and people, setting goals and then demonstrating the tenacity to effectuate them—no excuses—just follow through.

To me, this mindset and manner of living is as second nature as taking a breath of air. But when I began posting blogs about such and then reading comments from individuals who said it was easier said than done, I began to wonder if I think outside the box. Well, I know I do with most things, but believed others at least strived to be on this plane with me.

Reading those responses, I found myself analyzing how I perceive the world and those with whom I come in contact. Then, as I experienced different things in my own life, I’d tiptoe back to the subject of being positive and putting things into motion while writing my blogs. Though most readers were in agreement with my thoughts, it was the few that got me to dig a little deeper.

Enter this quote by Don Quixote. The moment I read it, I felt it clearly expressed how I view things. I’m keenly aware that the world is not perfect. That there are those who walk amongst us owning such sour attitudes as to make lemons seem sweet. And yes, I do know that setting a goal and then actualizing it takes concentrated effort. But being who I am, a positive thinker who thrives off of goals, I set one, and while endeavoring to achieve it, my mind is already conjuring up the next.

This is how I work. Instead of focusing on what I can’t change in the world and the less-than-desirable things, I aspire to view the world’s potential…my potential…the potential of others. By doing so, I don’t tend to get overly bogged down by life’s tougher challenges, because I know…I have more to focus on—the positive in life and actualizing my goals.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

High on life, that’s a phrase a bunch of my friends and I use to describe us. We often comment on how it’s great to be able to soar to new heights just by giving ourselves over the things we experience in life. At the same time, we wonder why it is that so many don’t understand. Allow me to elaborate.

There are those who feel that in order to get a “rush” out of life, one must introduce some sort of chemical, natural or otherwise, to their system. When my friends and I try to explain that we don’t feel the need to drink and so we don’t, those who view drinking as the source of a good time shake their heads in confusion. And when we shake ours over how so many lose themselves to drug addictions, many of which began as a means to “have a good time,” there are people who insist that the only way to heighten one’s joyful experiences is to indulge in drugs.

I don’t get it. Honest to goodness, I don’t understand. Well, that’s not entirely true. I suppose that on some level, I comprehend the need some feel to dull their pain and suffering, mental, emotional or physical, with the use of drugs. And when that dosage no longer does the trick or their prescription runs out, they seek other sources through which to supply themselves with the item that helps them diminish whatever it is they’re enduring.

But what about the individuals who are rolling through life, it working out pretty well for them, and then they get invited to try drugs. Why would they want to? With all that’s known about drugs, the dangers, their addictive qualities, etc, why would anyone want to mess up what they already have and risk losing it—along with so much more—just for a few moments, minutes or hours of artificial chemical-induced “bliss?”

Really, I guess that’s the core from which my lack of understanding stems—the whole artificial chemical-induced bliss. The happiness drugs induce is not real. Not to mention, drugs are illegal. Put a financial drain on one’s pocketbook. Can ruin your health. Make you a slave to them. And, if allowed, drugs can and will ruin your life.

To me, accepting an offer to do drugs ranks right up there with being in an airplane, having two parachutes offered to you, one of which you’re informed the chords have been cut, and told to chose which one you want to jump out of the plane with. If it were me, I wouldn’t choose either chute! Instead, I’d sit my rear back down on the plane and wait till we landed to exit. To do anything other is beyond risky and equivalent to playing Russian roulette.

Isn’t life short enough? Don’t we owe it to ourselves to enjoy it in a safe and sane method while we’re here, getting high on life itself?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

For those who follow along with my blog, you’re aware that I enjoy reading the little slips of paper found inside fortune cookies. Some find them to be trivial. Me? More often than not, I find them to be rather insightful.

The other evening, my husband youngest son and I found ourselves cracking open fortune cookies, following our meal. As is our tradition, each took turns reading our fortunes. My husband’s read that he was soon due for a promotion. Tossing it aside and with our son chuckling in the background, they both dismissed it, saying that was unlikely since my husband is one of the owners of his own company.

I looked at my husband and said, “What makes you think a promotion can only be in regards to work?”

Both my husband and son stopped laughing, and my husband replied, “Well, what else could it refer to?”

I smiled sweetly and explained how many things in life can be enhanced by promotions: relationships, abilities and holdings amongst them. My words sinking in, I could see both my husband and son reconsider the fortune. And I liked that, for it got them to view things another way—one they hadn’t earlier considered.

Friday, January 21, 2011

There are times when one has no choice but to get giddy over something that happens. That was the case with me today.

Two years ago, I was chatting with a friend when they revealed how they were unhappy with how they’d “sort of” let themselves go during midlife, adding not only a few pounds to the scale, but inches around their waist as well. This person had always been fit growing up and their family, spouse and kids, are fit as well. So…that got my friend frustrated but unaware of just what to do to reverse the situation.

Wanting to help and being the type of person who shares what she knows, I made it a point to drop healthy living hints and exercise regimen ideas whenever we’d meet up. The seeds planted, all I could do was sit back and wait, hoping that my friend would get inspired enough to spring into action.

Earlier this week, I had the occasion to meet up with that friend after having not seen them for a bit. My friend could barely contain their enthusiasm as they told how they’d finally decided to do something about getting back in shape and had already lost ten pounds in a couple of weeks. I couldn’t have been more thrilled for my friend and could see the change in their disposition, physique and energy level.

And then, my friend surprised me by taking all the knowledge they’d gained from listening to me over the past two years and teaching me something new. Man, I love it when that happens! They shared how they used to have trouble after eating meals, tummy upset, digestive issues, etc, but since they began eating healthier and exercising, that has corrected itself.

As my friend spoke, something in me clicked. Since my surgery, I’ve had old stomach and digestive issue resurface that had long since lain dormant. Going over a mental checklist of what I’ve been eating since my surgery, everything came into clear focus, my realizing that I was the one causing my own problems, which I could easily erase by tweaking a few things with my diet.

I shared with my friend how they’d helped me, the look on their face revealing how pleased they were. Then as I drove home, I mentally began to amend what I’ll be eating and not eating, eager to see rapid results.

You gotta love it when someone you’ve been mentoring not only absorbs all you’ve shared, but then turns around and teaches you something in return.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Adopting sensibilities through our connections.

Earlier today, I had the pleasure of discussing this with several friends. How I like to peruse ideas and concepts my friends and contacts have, try them on for size and see if any feel right for me. Why? Because by doing so, I’m exposed to things I might not have been. Also, I’m encouraged to view things in a light I might not have considered if left on my own.

By nature, I’m a people watcher. Always have been. Always will be. I suppose a large part of that, at least for me, is to try to climb inside a person’s head to decipher why they think the way they do or what causes them to adopt certain mentalities.

I believe that the only true way to understand others is to appreciate where they’re coming from. So, I attempt to “put myself in their shoes” as often as possible. As a result, I’ve been exposed to an extensive smorgasbord of wonderful and some not so wonderful individuals who come from all walks of life.

Through my encounters, I’ve been able to better understand human nature. By doing so, I’ve been fortunate enough to glimpse things through more objective eyes than mine alone might have been. This I appreciate on a deep level, for it has made me privy to a vast array of sensibilities gathered from my connections.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Human foibles…we all have them…to some extent. The dictionary describes foibles as minor weaknesses or eccentricities in one’s character. To me, they they’re what makes each of us unique. Kind of like our own personal behavior fingerprint, if you will.

Some may view foibles as bad things. And to be sure, I’m sure some are: lying, cheating and hurting others. But many more clearly, or even not so clearly, define who a person is at their most elemental level.

For example, take Elton John during his Captain Fantastic phase when he began wearing a colorful collection of eccentric costumes that would have made even Liberace take a second glance. Did that make Elton John a bad person? No. One that didn’t quite fit in with the norms of society? To be sure!

I vividly recall viewing with wonderment the cover of Elton John’s album where he, completely immersed in his Captain Fantastic persona, sat atop a gorgeous piano, riding it as if it were a magnificent steed. To me I didn’t see a weirdo or someone who was out of control, as many conjectured. Instead, what I viewed was a person so in touch with who he was that he didn’t give a darn what the rest of the world thought and felt free enough to act upon his highly creative inner self.

To me, that image of Elton John became an icon. When I viewed his flamboyant costumes and oversized outrageous glasses, I stood in awe at someone so willing to embrace his inner self, not conform to society’s mandates for “appropriate” behavior. Even at my young age, I recognized that what the rest of the world viewed as minor weaknesses or eccentricities in Elton John’s character were actually precursors to his brilliant work yet to come as he revved his creative engines in full view of the world.

Every day, we come in contact with those who don’t fit into the “accepted” molds that society has set as the standard. Some wear an excess of make up. Others opt to artistically cover their bodies in a never-ending blanket of tattoos. Some are into piercing as many parts of their bodies as possible. While others cloak themselves in a second skin of leather. Does this make them bad people? No more so than any others.

When I come across individuals who cause me to take a second and even third glance, I smile at their self-assuredness. Their willingness to express who they are instead of squeezing themselves into a mold of someone they’re not just to make others feel more comfortable.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Do you ever wonder…?

Here in California, it’s illegal to talk on one’s phone whole driving unless you have a Bluetooth or a hands-free unit built into your car. And along our freeways, at least in the more built up areas, we have helpful message boards that, I believe, are run by the Highway Patrol. On these boards, one is able to read estimated times of arrival to upcoming cities, Amber alerts that announce missing children, warnings about approaching construction zones, etc. The boards are quite helpful.

But…every once in a while, up pops a message that makes me giggle when I read it. Remember, these message boards are on California highways and run by the Highway Patrol that enforces the laws on such. So when I see a message telling me to call 911 to report drunk drivers or 511 to report traffic conditions, I just have to laugh at the irony.

Unless they’re a passenger, those reading the messages are driving. And although many do have Bluetooths or built-in hands-free units, still many more do not. So here’s where the irony kicks in.

What if the one who wants to report a certain traffic condition doesn’t have a legal way to make such a call? Yet, the message board is prompting them to do so. Is it wrong for them to do as the board instructs? Or should they not call, pass by the traffic condition, thankful that they made it through and leave those behind them unaware of what they’re about to enter? And what if the person who notices a drunk driver is without a Bluetooth or built-in hands-free unit. Should they ignore the drunk driver, not make the call and leave others on the road to fend for themselves unaware of the potential danger? Or should they do as the message board prompts?

Not sure if others have had these same thoughts. Just thought I’d share.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Commit to and then effectuate that which you set out to do. It's that simple. This was a response I made to a comment made on yesterday’s blog, and a concept in which I firmly believe.

When I set out to resume my career as a writer after having taken an extended twenty-plus-year leave to have and raise my family, even I knew the odds were against me to succeed. But did I let that stop me? No. Did I focus on the overwhelming staggering statistics of how the publishing world was imploding due to the fall of the economy? No. Did I offer myself a safety net on which to fall back should things have not worked out? Absolutely not!

Some may wonder why I would go out on such a limb aware that the odds were so stacked against me. Allow me to answer. Writing isn’t just my passion. It’s an ingrained element of who I am…to my core. As such, I could no more deny it than I could the person that I am. To put into place a safety net in case I didn’t succeed would have undermined my success, for it would have let me know that I could bow out if the going got rough.

So when I tackled resuming my career, I did so the way I’ve always pursued my ambitions—with tenacity and a diehard drive to give it my all not allowing the possibility of failure to provide me an easy out. After all, resuming writing was an ambition I’d clung to for those twenty-plus years, and I wasn’t about to let the economy dictate that I couldn’t realize my dream on my terms and when I was ready.

Has it been easy? No. Have I worked such long hours and made sacrifices as to make myself question if I’ve made the right decision? Oh, yeah! Do I get exhausted? Yes. Discouraged? Yes. Frustrated? Doesn’t everyone at some point or another with his or her careers? Am I plugging along at a snail’s pace intent on carving out a little nitch in the writing world for myself? To be sure. Would it be easier to pursue another career? Probably. But would doing so honor the person I am—really am? Absolutely not! And so I continue on. Typing one word at a time, I make my way closer and closer to actualizing my ambition to its fullest.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Branching out and trying new things with others. In my humble opinion, this is the name of the game…or should be. Life’s short, too short to waste, wondering what it would have been like if only I’d…. Or to pass on opportunities simply because I haven’t done those exact things in the past.

Where is it written that we must go through life acquiescing to the status quo, reluctant to branch out? Life is a veritable smorgasbord of opportunities, crying out to us. Many refuse to listen. Others are reluctant to step outside familiar ground. Me? I like to run full force at new adventures, eager to discover what insight I’ll gain from immersing myself in them.

I believe that what we do should be a series of interlocking building blocks. We should take what knowledge we’ve gained from previous encounters and morph it to accommodate new situations. And when that doesn’t work, should we shy away? Heck no! Those are the amazing chances we have to prove what we’re made of. To show the world that we don’t give a darn if we succeed or fail, only that we are courageous enough to try. And really…by trying, there’s no possible chance for us to fail, for failure comes only as a result of doing nothing when one watches life pass them by.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I suppose it’s my age or that of my friends that brings to the forefront medical issues. I routinely hear of friends who have suffered accidents that keep them laid up for a spell. Or of others who have some unexpected medical concern pop up. Still more, just pulling themselves out of one medical concern, end up plunging down a hill into another.

I’m not immune from this, having spent way too much down time due to medical problems that have been scattered throughout my life. So my heart goes out to my friends and any others who I hear of having troubles. Being down and out just plain sucks. Having to endure alone or be made to feel alone throughout is unbearable.

Whenever I’m made aware of a friend who’s having a tough time, I make an effort to reach out in whatever context I can. If great distances separate us, then I text, call or drop an email. If I’m in close enough proximity, I make a face-to-face appearance if only for a brief time to let them know they’re in my thoughts.

Reaching out to someone who is suffering is the best! It not only brightens that person’s disposition, but also gives us that warm fuzzy feeling, knowing that we’ve done right by our friend.