Friday, August 5, 2011

It’s always amazes me how, if we can summon enough strength, getting out and doing something different can take our mind off us not feeling well.  All week, I’ve been feeling under the weather.  Haven’t even wanted to drink coffee a huge tell that I’m ailing.  Each day has found me resting as much as possible, literally laying down with my eyes shut.  It’s felt good, though no matter how much resting I’ve done, it just hasn’t seemed enough. 

On Wednesday, I was supposed to help throw a birthday bash for a dear friend along with a mutual friend.  But I was feeling so poorly then that I had to call and beg off.  My friend, knowing me well, wasn’t upset.  Instead, he was concerned about how poorly I was feeling.  His caring and compassion while I was down and out was comforting.  His party went off without a hitch, and we’ll meet up this next week to celebrate together.

Tonight, I held out hopes of getting together with some friends, if for no other reason, to take my mind off of being cooped up in the bloody house, day after day, staring at the walls, wondering when the heck I was going to feel back to normal.  So, wanting to hasten things along, I sucked it up, drew on inner strength, got myself ready and went out to meet up with my friends.  Arriving at our destination proved far more complicated than anyone had thought. My GPS wasn’t cooperating, my friend couldn’t give me verbal instructions on the phone nearly as fast as I was passing streets in the busy city where I was, and I ended up near tears, thinking: this was supposed to be a relaxing night.

All finally worked itself out.  The minute I met up with my friends, a state of calm came over me.  Why?  Because I no longer felt the need to try to be super human.  To carry on the show that I was just fine.  My friends accept me for who I am.  And as soon as they each saw me and how frustrated I was—near tears—each came and gave me a big hug.  I can’t explain how, but as each wrapped me in their embrace, they removed a layer of stress I’d been harboring.  By the time we were walking along to our final destination, I felt completely calm and bore the most content smile, knowing that, yes, this would be a relaxing night spent surrounded by those who love and cherish me and most of all…those who grant me the freedom to be who I am to my core.