Thursday, May 6, 2010

I’ve been studying relationships and have found there are some common threads recurrent in the most successful ones. The traits of a good relationship seem to involve honest communication, a sincere cherishing of the relationship, devotion to putting in the necessary effort to sustain a long-term relationship and utmost mutual respect. These seem simple enough, yet they’re anything but.

How many relationships implode due to a lack of communication? When one or more partner refuses or is incapable of honestly expressing in a respectful and clear manner what’s on their mind, animosity, grudges and hurt feelings are allowed to fester. And like a cancer, those warped feelings cannibalize the relationship.

And what about when only one in the relationship truly cherishes the rarity and satisfying qualities of that relationship? When that occurs, taking the other for granted isn’t far behind. And when that sets in, it has a nasty way of undermining even the most stable foundation of a relationship.

Of course, all relationships experience their “speed bumps,” those things that slow, derail or threaten to end the relationship. It’s at those times, that the true intestinal fortitude of the members involved is put to the test. Will both be willing to put in the extra effort needed to sustain that relationship? Or will only one try while the other foolishly believes that he or she can sit back and coast? Unless both parties are willing to put in the needed energy and devotion to correct what’s wrong, the relationship is almost certain to fail.

Last, but certainly not least, those in a relationship must be willing to display utmost mutual respect for one another. Without that, the relationship becomes unbalanced. One works harder while the other expects or assumes that’s the way things should be. Wrong! Both parties need to be willing to put in the same amount of effort and appreciate the other person’s endeavors.

In the end, all relationships are not created equal. What works for one, will doom the next. What seems totally natural to one relationship will appear against the norm in another. That’s not to say that one approach is better than another, just that those who intend to maintain their relationships will have to become creative and resourceful in their approach to nurture the best possible relationship for them.