Monday, September 6, 2010

Today, a friend asked why I feel compelled to push myself so hard in all that I do. This came up when I mentioned how I hadn’t written a blog for Friday. He asked if I felt guilty, and I was surprised by my answer, which was, no. Then I went on to explain that I’d missed writing it due to all the fun I was having while with my sister.

That led into a discussion about what I do on an average day. How I feel driven to write a daily blog. Write my books on a fast track. Respond to everyone that writes to me. Keep up with writing my articles. Maintaining my E-zine. Work out faithfully, etc, etc, etc.

When I was done, my friend just sat there, staring at me, incredulous by the amount of pressure I put myself under, while at the same time enormously impressed by how I manage to pull it all off while maintaining a sunny disposition.

Talking with him further, I realized I was doing the opposite of what I blog about often. Instead of seeing to my needs, I’m utterly devoted to ensuring that I serve the needs of everyone else, ultimately depleting my own tanks.

Then he looked at me and remarked on the statement that I hadn’t yet written today’s blog. He said, “I think you should cut back.”

My immediate thought was no way! Then I took a step back and rethought, coming to the conclusion that he was right. That perhaps only generating a blog three to four times a week would be a good idea.

And so I adopted that concept…for about an hour and a half. In the end, however, I realized something paramount about myself. I don’t just write my daily blogs for all of you. I scribe them as a form of processing through my own life. Thoughts. Philosophies. And when I came to that conclusion, I knew that creating a daily blog was serving my needs and thus something I was unwilling to give up. As such, here is today’s blog, as usual, full of my own thoughts and evolving process of self-discovery.