There are times in life when I want to freeze time. Maintain all that is just as it is. Keep hope alive. Don’t want to learn more. Or be made privy to things that might cause me pain.
That’s where I’m at tonight. Tomorrow Kai goes into the doctor for an appointment and to find out the results of the newborn tests and more that were done on her when she was born. In the fifteen days since she’s been born, there have been several trips to the doctor and two occasions when she almost went to the emergency room.
The results of those visits have revealed that she has a couple of digestive track issues, which we treat before and after every feeding. The treatments have gone a long ways towards easing her discomfort, but haven’t completely solved them. And in the interim, other things have cropped up that make us question what else might be going on with her.
We’re hoping that the test results tomorrow will shed some light on what might be. One of the tests run was for Cystic Fibrosis. When my daughter was six months along in her pregnancy, an ultrasound revealed that Kai might have this. A follow-up ultrasound with a specialist concurred. Had we opted to put the baby at risk, we could have found out for sure. But doing that test would have changed nothing. Kai was still going to come into this world a welcomed and cherished part of our family. And knowing ahead of time if she had Cystic Fibrosis wouldn’t have changed that or the way we felt about her.
As much as we’ve all been anxiously awaiting the test results, tomorrow seems to have arrived way too soon. Will we be ready for whatever is revealed? In the wee hours of the night, when it’s just Kai, my daughter and me awake, I’ve discussed what might be with my daughter and am deeply touched and impressed that her nature which revealed itself when she was a young girl, that of being drawn to and having an easy way with those with special needs, hasn’t abandoned her when she might need to draw upon that strength.
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