Thursday, August 12, 2010

I leave Arizona early tomorrow morning to fly to South Carolina for my grandfather’s ninetieth birthday celebration. This will be the first birthday of his I’ve ever spent with him, and I’m really excited. Was iffy whether or not I’d be able to go, since I didn’t know exactly when my daughter would deliver Makaila.

But things have worked out in favor of my going, and my grandfather is so very pleased. Me? I’ve got mixed feelings about going. For sure, I’m excited to be able to see my grandfather again and to reunite with family members, some of whom I haven’t seen in over twenty-seven years, as well as others I’ve never met, that are flying in from across the country. But I’m sad about having to leave Makaila and her folks, even though it will only be for a few days.

Yes, I’m that attached—already.

Late last night and into the wee hours of this morning, every time I’d hold Makaila, I’d start to get choked up, thinking about not being around and help out with her. Her folks have reiterated time and time again how grateful they are that I’m here, and that I’m welcome to stay as long as I want.

In a way, I feel like Mary Poppins. I drove in when I was needed most and won’t leave until everyone is ready to have me go. Why will I do this? When I was a new mom, I had no one to stand by and help me learn the ropes of motherhood. Always missed that and vowed I wouldn’t make my children learn the ropes of parenthood the hard way. Instead, I’ll be there to answer their questions and put to rest their normal anxieties, so normal to first-time parents.

So far, I’ve had an amazing stay here. There have been several high points. I got to be present when my daughter delivered, and I’ve enjoyed being the calming voice when Makaila’s parents have begun to stress out. But above all, I don’t think there’s anything that’s more precious than seeing the look in my granddaughter’s eyes when she looks at me and locks eyes. It feels as if she’s saying, “Thanks for being here, Mimi. It’s helping to smooth over the rough spots.”

Though, I managed to delay packing all day, I finally got around to it this evening, much of the time, cradling Makaila in one arm while packing with the other. We shared meaningful time packing together, and if I had more room, I’d find a way to take her with me. Though I think her folks might get a tad upset with that.