Is it wrong to put the world on hold to marvel over a sleeping child? Want to commit to memory every nuance of their being?
Since the day my own children were born, a lifetime ago, I’ve wondered over this. I used to spend hours at the side of their crib or wherever they were sleeping just staring at them. Taking in their every movement and sound. My husband used to find me doing this and would ask what I was doing. I’d tell him I never wanted to forget those special moments. And I never have.
When I told my daughter about this while she was pregnant, she thought it was weird. But, since Kai has been born, I find both her and Kai’s daddy doing the same thing—stopping the world to fuse into their minds all that she does, especially when she’s sleeping.
I’ve contemplated why it is that I’ve continued to do this, gazing at my kids as they sleep, throughout their lives. When we moved my oldest daughter to begin her first year of college, we spent the night at a hotel near the campus. That night, as everyone else slept, I sat in a chair, watching my daughter sleep for near an hour, her hair splayed out around her like a golden halo. She was on her tummy, turned away from me, and I kept flashing back to when she was tiny, how she slept in the exact same position—her favorite, and how much joy it brought me to see how at peace she was.
Some may call me a creeper. Being a night owl, I work long hours every day. Most nights, not turning in until 2-3 in the morning. As such, I have the rare opportunity to glimpse my kids, passing by their opened doors, as they sleep. My reaction is always the same, I pause and lean against the doorjamb, watching them, filled with the same sense of wonder I had when they were first born.
I wonder if my kids will carry on this tradition with their own children. I hope so.
Over the years, I’ve mentioned how I do this to various friends who tell me that they used to, but stopped as their kids began to grow. That fills me with sadness, for I know how much joy I’ve received over the years by slowing down the world enough to take the time to marvel over my sleeping children.
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