Sunday, June 5, 2011

I appreciate how relationships are strengthened by the individuals involved maintaining their separateness.  This allows each person to go out and have experiences, grow from them and then bring that newfound knowledge back to the relationship, which strengthens it.

I hold true to this philosophy in all my relationships.  For example, I don’t get jealous when my husband or friends go off and “do their own thing.”  Nor do I get upset by their taking time for themselves.  In fact, I encourage it.

I’ve given a lot of thought to this lately as others, who are inclined to be jealous, come to my attention.  Fueled by their jealousy, they do or say or act in a manner meant to chaos.  I suppose they’re hoping to disrupt the lives of others, since they don’t seem to have control of their own.

Instead of getting upset, I feel sad for those people.  Down deep, I don’t believe they want to cause turmoil—not really.  Instead, I suspect their doing so is a reaction to their insecurity, amplifying it further for the world to see.

I wish there was a way to get through to these individuals.  Help them understand that if they applied half the effort they do while being drama train conductors to that of understanding, then their relationships would blossom towards a fuller potential instead of being poisoned by jealously.

So what do I do when faced with someone who’s jealous, acting out and attempting to cause chaos in my life?  I address the situation by shutting down the efforts of that person.  That could mean that I go straight to the source. Other times, when I suspect that would only add fuel to the fire, I circumvent the individual, cutting off all avenues they might have to cause drama.  My belief here is that it’s easier to prevent a fire than to try to extinguish it once oxygen has fed it.

The old saying is true: we can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed.  But that doesn’t mean we have to be subject to their bad behavior.  And in my book, jealousy and all it encompasses/causes, is amongst the worst behavior.