Today was one of those days I love—the kind where at some point during the day, I ignore something on my to-do list in favor of something better.
Every week, my son and I go on a weekly date. Did so yesterday and had a pleasant time. But some weeks, this son just wants/needs to spend more quality time with me. Today was one of those. I got a text from him at lunch asking if we might go someplace after school for a refreshing treat, seeing as it was “soooooo hot.”
Looking at my schedule, I realized that I’d have to leave directly after bringing him home from school if I was to make it to my Pilates class. Then I thought about it…how it wouldn’t be that much longer before my son will be grown, and I won’t get these cherished opportunities. So I texted him back that sure, I’d love to.
I picked him up a few hours later and we got some Greek wraps and headed over to a quaint sitting area in the center of our downtown area, complete with shady trees and a rambling artistic water fountain. There we pulled up some chairs and let the rest of the world pass us by, each person intent on wherever it was they needed to be. Meanwhile, my son and I were exactly where we needed to be—enjoying quality together time.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Yesterday I blogged about how authors are collectively a supportive group. Since then, I’ve pondered that quite a bit.
As a rule, writing is a solitary career. Oh, sure, there are those who go into an office daily where they do get to interact with others, but that’s not how they write. Sure, their interactions with others help to fuel the creative writing process, but the writing, the actual act of getting down a writer’s thoughts on paper…that in itself is solitary.
As such, I believe writers need to be in tuned with themselves, for if they’re not, then how could they ever hope to generate written words that will seem worthwhile? If a writer isn’t in tuned with himself or herself, then how will they convey to others the thoughts that parade around their heads in a cohesive manner that will inspire? Stimulate? Make a difference?
It’s my opinion that a writer, needing to be in tuned with their inner thoughts on such a personal level, is what makes them inclined to reach out to other writers. The reason behind this theory is that they know just how challenging it can be to not only put thought to paper in a comprehensive manner but are also keenly aware of how improbable it is to then get those thoughts, stories, articles, etc into the hands of those who will market them to the masses.
So far, this is where my pondering of this topic has led me. Who knows…perhaps tomorrow will shed more enlightenment….
As a rule, writing is a solitary career. Oh, sure, there are those who go into an office daily where they do get to interact with others, but that’s not how they write. Sure, their interactions with others help to fuel the creative writing process, but the writing, the actual act of getting down a writer’s thoughts on paper…that in itself is solitary.
As such, I believe writers need to be in tuned with themselves, for if they’re not, then how could they ever hope to generate written words that will seem worthwhile? If a writer isn’t in tuned with himself or herself, then how will they convey to others the thoughts that parade around their heads in a cohesive manner that will inspire? Stimulate? Make a difference?
It’s my opinion that a writer, needing to be in tuned with their inner thoughts on such a personal level, is what makes them inclined to reach out to other writers. The reason behind this theory is that they know just how challenging it can be to not only put thought to paper in a comprehensive manner but are also keenly aware of how improbable it is to then get those thoughts, stories, articles, etc into the hands of those who will market them to the masses.
So far, this is where my pondering of this topic has led me. Who knows…perhaps tomorrow will shed more enlightenment….
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
In my writing critique group meeting earlier this evening, a topic came up, which fascinated me. Not because of the topic per say, but more due to its implications. We talked about how there is little to no competition between writers.
On the surface, that may not seem nearly as profound a statement as it is. But let’s dig a little deeper. If you take a moment to think of all the professions available, can you come up with another where not only does little competitiveness between individuals exist, but by and far, those same individuals sincerely support one another, wanting to see each other not only succeed, but excel?
Go ahead and think on it for a moment or two. I’ll wait….
When this topic was first raised at tonight’s meeting, I questioned it, thinking that there would be natural competitiveness between writers…at least the more successful ones. After all, that seems to be the norm for all other professions. But then our facilitator pointed out how authors, famous or not, sincerely reach out to help one another. How they make themselves accessible to their fan base. How they give of themselves in the form of doing public speeches to inspire other writers. How they take the time to personally respond to those who reach out to them.
Listening to what was said, I had to admit that I’d never personally come across or heard of one author being anything but supportive of another. And in that dawning moment, I became a bit proud, proud to be amongst such a large base of individuals who have things figured out on a deeper level than many. I’ve got to admit that it feels pretty cool to be amongst so many who have mastered the art of self-control enough to do the right thing and reach out to others so that they, too, might succeed.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Complacence…the dictionary defines this as quiet satisfaction or contentment. Often, it refers to self-satisfaction or smugness.
Earlier, I was having an involved conversation with a good friend about how complacence factors into much of what people are willing or unwilling to do. On a more global level, we discussed how, as a whole, society is unwilling to pay a little more, or work a little harder to do the right thing, instead opting for the “quick fix,” rather unconcerned with what the long-term results of those actions will be. Worse yet, many don’t have the where-for-all to reason that though the short-term effects may not directly impact them, the long-term ones might.
On a more individual level, my friend mentioned how many aren’t aware of what they really need. As such, he reasoned that they aren’t capable of discerning what they need to do to achieve their goals. I told him I disagreed. I believe that people do know what they want—on a base level—but may be unwilling to acknowledge such, knowing that to reach their goal, will involve change and effort on their behalf. This, I told my friend, is where complacence kicks in, inclining folks to sit back and accept rather than to strive for something more.
My friend and I tossed around tons of examples of how complacence has played a repeated factor throughout the world’s history. We marveled over how time and time again, entire societies have disregarded what they should have done in favor of the “quick fix.” In the end, doing so always backfired on them. Then we shared about individuals we’ve known who fell into the same trap, and how for them, the end result wasn’t the ultimate favorable one they’d hoped would evolve.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Natural rhythm and flow….
To all things, there is a natural order—the way things are meant to play out. Not that the outcome can’t be influenced, but attempting to intercede and force one’s will on something may make things more complicated. Likewise, sitting back and doing nothing isn’t good either. And then there’s the biggie, allowing one’s pride to get in the way.
I spend a lot of time blogging about positive mindsets and striving to better one’s self. A big part of those, in my humble opinion, is working at maintaining relationships. Some need little work. Still others require constant fine-tuning to keep everything running smooth. Even then, there are bound to be times when misunderstandings occur.
This is all part of the natural scheme of things. How we opt to handle these difficulties when they arise will determine the ultimate outcome of the relationship. If we attempt to force our own will, taking little or nothing into consideration about the other person’s feelings/needs, then the relationship is doomed. If, on the other hand, we do nothing, then it’s fate is also sealed. And lastly, if we allow our stubborn pride to get in the way of our stepping up and at least trying to work things out, then the relationship has nowhere to go but to implode.
Good communication, self-discipline and patience are all factors that I believe play integral parts in helping things run smoothly on their intended course. If something upsets you, no positive end will result by your ignoring it or passive-aggressively lashing out at the other person, instead, calm, cool and collected communication is in order. Self-discipline allows us to push our egos aside long enough to take an objective look at the situation and use constructive means to salvage the relationship. Patience is what makes it possible for individuals to seemingly sit back and so nothing, when in reality, they are doing anything but. Patience is what allows us to know that by using fine-tuning skills rather than jarring adjustments, a relationship can be nurtured to the point of its highest potential.
Saturday,
By nature, I’m a people observer, loving to take in the subtle nuances of their mannerisms, the way they converse with others, how they process things in their minds and then how that translates through their actions. I’ve always believed that being a good observer generates tolerance. I remember as a young girl, my father and I would go and sit in the entry atrium of the Natural History Museum in Los Angels and just watch people as they came and went.
Normally, an extremely active child who barely could sit still, when offered the opportunity to people observe, my entire persona changed to that of one who was more than content to sit for hours, barely moving a muscle as I watched and absorbed everything those around me did.
By college, I became fascinated with the reasons people do the things they do and switched my major to Sociology after my first year. I wanted to know why people are driven to do the things they do. I was also driven to uncover what causes the gears in some people’s brains to absorb a situation one way, while another, exposed to the very same situation, walks away with an entirely different impression.
There’s a saying that if you haven’t walked a mile in another’s shoes, then you don’t truly understand them. That saying has captivated me the majority of my life, for I believe it with all my heart. As such, whenever I get the chance to do just that, walk a mile in another’s shoes, I jump at the opportunity.
I suppose that, for me, it’s not enough to go through life only knowing how I view the world and how it affects me. No, my thirst is far greater, prompting me to drink in how those same things affect others, and then I give great thought as to why our impressions may differ.
I’ve learned much by observing folks over the years. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is that though we may appear to be quite different on the surface, when you get right down to it, most people are similar in that they are driven to make their way through this thing we call life to the best of their ability. And, just as we hope for, they aim to achieve acceptance of who they are by those around them.
Friday, March 25, 2011
I find it interesting, fascinating, in fact—human nature. Does anyone else find it incredible that folks actually ever manage to connect with other like-minded individuals who so closely mirror their own thoughts as to have it be a seamless fit? Or how about the likelihood of those individuals managing to find one another in the first place? Talk about the proverbial needle in the haystack….
Okay, so individuals somehow, against seemingly astronomical odds, manage to find one another. All are happy and content. The relationship blossoms into a thing of beauty. But then….
One day, sooner or later, fate steps in, and there’s some sort of misunderstanding. Feelings get hurt. One interprets the wrong meaning from the other’s actions or lack-there-of. So what then?
Well, emotions can run high. Lashing out can occur. But…if both parties pause long enough to take a deep breath, tempers can be calmed and rational reasoning can be resumed, allowing those involved to see things as they really are, rather than how they may have been perceived.
By the individuals taking the time to think things through and communicate, the relationship can be spared—made stronger, in fact.
At the base root is human nature. If it hadn’t been for human nature, the individuals wouldn’t have been drawn to one another in the first place. Had human nature not interceded, there probably wouldn’t have been a misunderstanding that occurred. And if it hadn’t been for human nature needing to preserve the gift of that relationship, then the individuals wouldn’t have taken the steps necessary to work things out in a calm rational manner that allowed things to resume their healthy course.
Human nature…it’s pretty darn magical the way it works!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Earlier, I was looking though some quotes, many of which I’ve posted here. Sometimes I find myself doing so as a means to reconnect with where I’ve been—those things that stood out to me at a specific time, wondering if they will still have the same affect on me as when I first read them.
One does, a quote I posted almost a year ago by Thomas S. Monson. It states, "Exemplify in your lives four tested, specific virtues: an attitude of gratitude, a longing for learning, a devotion to discipline, and a willingness to work."
It’s not surprising that this particular quote strikes the same chord in me as it first did, for these are the standards by which I live. Or, at least, they’re the ones I aim to live by. I don’t always make my mark. After all, I am human. But I endeavor to meet them or come as close as I can.
Take a moment, if you will, to imagine a world where most people would put into practice these words by Thomas S. Monson. Can you see it? I can, and wow, what a great place that would be! We can make it a reality, ya know. All it takes is for each of us to make the effort.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A lifetime ago, I spent each and every day just trying to find ways to survive the abusive living situation I was in that threatened me not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. There were times I didn’t think I’d make it—many, in fact. Still other times, I hoped I wouldn’t, unable to bear the thought of another minute, day, month or year of the abuse. But digging deep, deeper than I thought possible, I somehow managed to pull through. Make it to the other side. Extricate myself from that living nightmare and begin my own life, one void of the abuse, negativity and intense hatred that had always been openly directed towards me.
I got out, began my own life, and like most, lost myself somewhere along the way of becoming a wife, mother, soccer mom, Girl Scout leader, Cub Scout leader, room parent, PFA President, etc. I allowed myself to get overwhelmed and dragged down in the swirling storm of chaos and drama that always seemed to surround me.
And then one day, the light bulb went on. Of course, by then, my kids had grown considerably and were all self-sufficient, allowing me a little bit of time to actually pause long enough to ask, “Who am I? What’s my purpose in life? Am I on track to obtain my goals or just serve the ones of others?”
It was then that I saw how things really were. That I’d allowed my life to turn completely upside-down and inside-out, with no time dedicated to me, my every waking moment spent serving the wants, needs and desires of others. In that moment of clarity, I realized that I was again caught up in a vicious cycle that was tearing me down, different, but in many ways just as destructive to my character as when I’d been abused all those years earlier.
And so I took back control of my life. Well…first, I had to find my life. Identify if I even had one outside the parameters of being a wife and mother and the plethora of other hats I wore, seamlessly removing one to be replaced with another, but none of which addressed what I needed, much less might want.
Taking control meant retraining those in my innermost circle that I now valued myself as a viable person, worthy of respect not only from others but more importantly from myself. And to prove that, I acted upon such, carving out little niches of time for my own needs. And the biggest change was when I resumed my writing career, a passionate dream I’d clung to for over twenty years while raising my family and standing by my husband as each of them rose to their potentials.
About halfway through writing my first published book, Little Girl Lost, I realized that I needed to set up a website where I could write a blog. Studying the sites of others, I was puzzled to learn that they only blogged every few days or once a week—sometimes less. I couldn’t imagine restricting myself to those parameters. After all, I had all the “stuff” bottled up in be from several decades of not being able to share, and I needed to it all get out. I wanted to share my discoveries with others. I hoped to create a place where readers could come and view optimistic words that might make them laugh, cry or ponder things on a deeper level.
And so began this daily blog, a silly thing that means the world to me. It allows me to connect with others that I might not have otherwise, often learning as much from them as they do from me. This blog allows me to stand triumphantly atop my “mountain” and shout for all the world to hear (or at least the ones who come here to read) how one small beaten down individual—me—can overcome abuse that often broke her and came dangerously close to wiping her from the face of the earth—on several occasions.
The thoughts I share here, I do with the greatest hope that someone—anyone—might be able to connect. That my words might give them that one…small grain of hope that I would have given the world to have been offered back when. I’m still standing, taller and better than ever before, and with any luck, I’m creating a wake of followers who have benefited from my thoughts.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
There are countless challenges we must all get through, and at the root of our success is endurance. Whether it is tragedy, rejection, heartache, illness or catastrophic act of God, the human spirit has within it the ability to overcome. Of course, having said that, there will be those who are quick to argue that not everyone has the staying power needed to make it through all things. And frankly, all I have to say to that is…bull!
The human spirit is what each of us makes our own to be. If it’s strong, then that’s because the individual put in the effort required to dig deep to find the single grain of intestinal fortitude that they could build upon until they had what was needed to make it through. Those whose spirits are weak, in my opinion, got waylaid somewhere along their path to discovering their own inner strength. That could be due to a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that they just plain gave up.
Let’s look at it another way.
Think of the person who fights hard to lose weight and continues to go through the necessary motions to keep the weight off. That doesn’t just happen. No. Instead, the ability for a person to shed unwanted pounds to get, and then remain, in shape requires gut-wrenching, back-breaking, sweat-filled countless hours, days, months and years of extreme self-discipline. If at any point along their journey the person slacks off, relies on others, or seeks a “quick fix,” then their efforts ring false and the results can be quickly seen.
Building one’s human spirit to the strongest it can be requires the same amount of dedication, determination and die-hard mentality as the person who wants to lose weight and get in shape. Can everyone do it? In my humble opinion, yes! Will everyone have what it takes to follow through? Absolutely not! But…that doesn’t mean that those who fail didn’t have success within their grasp, only that they were unwilling or able to carry through with the task of endurance.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Since last Thursday, I have been in Las Vegas, arriving home yesterday. While in Vegas, the hotel where I was staying was having massive trouble with their Internet service. And despite working with their technical maintenance workers every day and being given a direct cable that should have solved the trouble, nothing resolved my lack of connection. This is why I decided to just forego trying to get any blogs posted while gone. My intent was to get one up yesterday, seeing as I’d be back home. But…things didn’t exactly play out the way I’d hoped.
Arriving home, I unpacked, got caught up with a bunch of work for a few hours and then headed to a late lunch with my family. About halfway through eating my meal, my stomach began to feel unsettled, a sure sign that what I was eating wasn’t good. For as long as I can recall, food poisoning sets in with me about twenty minutes into eating tainted food.
So, I didn’t eat the rest of my meal and poured myself into bed, hoping to sleep it off for a couple of hours upon getting home. Waking up, I immediately began getting violently ill. That lovely process had me lying on the floor of the bathroom for the majority of the next twelve hours, not able to be further away from the toilet. My illness kept up throughout the entire night until 6:30 this morning, the first time I was able to successfully keep some fluid in me.
Throughout today, I’ve been exhausted and needing to rest after doing the simplest tasks. I wasn’t able to eat all day. By this evening, I did eat and have been able to keep in me, a tiny piece of plain chicken my daughter made for me. My body feels like it was in a losing battle with a Mac truck, but I’m so very grateful to not be getting ill non-stop any longer.
Friday, March 19, 2011
Due to my currently being on the road, and the fact that I have had virtually no Internet service since Thursday, I will not be posting another blog until Sunday, March 20.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Ah, the joys of flying….
I headed to the airport today, mindful of what I was wearing, you know, to make the whole gotta strip off your shoes, etc, at the security checkpoint thing go more smoothly.
Apparently, the TSAs didn’t like the way I looked, and invited, well…not that I really had a choice, me to step into their full body scan machine.
I feel so special!
The machine scanned me while I stood there, my hands upon my head, as my briefcase, etc, went through their own x-ray machine. Then I got to stand in front of a woman who told me to keep an eye on my belongings while she waited to get clearance that my scan had gone okay.
Like they’d actually let me move to intervene if anyone tried to take my stuff. Riiiiight.
So, standing there, hoping my scan “turned out okay” (whatever the heck that means), I watched my belongings roll out of the x-ray machine. Then the woman spoke in a hushed tone into her radio. What she said, I had to reprocess a couple of times, unable to believe that she was referring to me. She said, “Okay, cocky has cleared.”
What?! Cocky? Cocky! How could I have been considered cocky when all I’d done was to be pleasant to her, smile and do as asked without attitude?
Turning to look at her, I gave her a look that implied, are you for real. She looked me in the eye, shrugged and told me I could go.
Oh, what fun!
Texting with my girlfriend a short time later, we shared how both our flights were delayed. Then I mentioned my total body scan and how it had turned out okay. She chuckled at my being referred to as cocky, since she knows me well enough to know that isn’t true. Then she said her trip had begun equally well with a full body pat down, the TSA spending an inordinate amount of time on her ample breasts.
Lovely!
Wednesday, March 17, 2011
There are times when things get so bizarre that one has no choice but to stand in awe of how strange they are. Attending our son’s high school open house this evening proved to be one of those occasions.
Our son has been having difficulty with one particular teacher the entire school year. And the stories we hear him share daily have had us concerned. So neither my husband nor I wanted to miss the opportunity to see this teacher face-to-face.
Arriving in the classroom, we introduced ourselves and then things got…well…they went drastically downhill from there. The teacher, having just introduced herself, then turned her back to us, saying, “Just a minute.”
We couldn’t quite tell what she was doing, but I swear, if I hadn’t known she was human, I might have wondered if she was a cat, coughing up a hairball. She remained turned away from us for at least a full minute. Long enough for my husband to begin shuffling his feet and wonder if we should leave and for my son to try his darnedest to not crack up. Seeing him lose his battle, I nudged our son, fearful that if he lost it, we’d all start laughing. I mean, really, there we were, standing, looking at the teacher’s back as she, I swear, was going through the motions of what appeared to be pulling the world’s longest hair out of her mouth, despite her hair not falling below her shoulders.
Ew!
It’s at times like these that you just want to quietly creep away, hoping to not be noticed. But, we stood our ground and eventually the teacher did turn back around. We asked how our son was doing in her class. Not that we didn’t already know—he’s a straight A student with a few A+’s thrown in for good measure.
But this particular teacher is one of those who’s beyond negative, literally unable to see any good in folks. So she proceeded to tell us how he wasn’t applying himself enough.
What? He’s a straight A student! What more does she want?
As if to prove her point, she brought up the project he’d just turned in. Well, the one he’d tried to hand in on Monday, but that she refused to accept, having decided to change the requirements. Over half the class’s projects were rejected, the students being told to make the corrections and then turn them in the following day for a significantly lower grade.
What?! That’s not right!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
It’s hard to imagine that as we sit here all snug and happy, there are folks in Japan whose lives have been turned upside-down and inside out. As we go on with our creature comforts, a mass majority there has none. It really is sobering.
And then tonight, I learned that the massive quake in Japan actually moved it—the entire country—thirteen feet closer to us. Thirteen feet? Thirteen feet! How! My mind can’t even fathom how that’s possible and that there’s not more damage as a result.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I’m at a loss of what to write about today. I mean, its’ not every day that follows a tsunami warning here along the west coast, us having dodged that bullet. And yet, when I watch the news, which has been running consistently in my house today, I feel almost guilty to be glad that we were spared while so many weren’t.
And then there’s the whole nuclear meltdown potential. Depending on whom you listen to, there either is or isn’t a threat of such. But hearing that officials have been steadily pumping in ocean water to cool the reactors does raise the anxiety level.
Couple all of that with the reality that there are still aftershocks occurring in Japan, some of which could create another tsunami.
I suppose it’s never a dull day in the world we live. We’ve just settled down from the upheaval in Egypt, and then all of this happened…well…is continuing to unfold. I wonder for how long? How many more lives will be lost? How many more disasters will be the result? And lawd, I pray that a nuclear meltdown isn’t amongst them. Not that folks are truly ever prepared for any disaster, but that—a nuclear meltdown…no, I can’t even imagine. Don’t want to let my mind ponder the possibilities.
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