There are times when a person feels vulnerable. That can originate when they feel emotionally overwhelmed or have experienced an unpleasant experience. The result? The individual may draw within himself or herself, unwilling or incapable of communicating at the time.
I’m like this. For me, feeling vulnerable is too painful and scary to contemplate—most times. As a result, I’m inclined to pull away from those who might be able to comfort me. I erect “walls” that stand tall between us, effectively sealing myself off from further pain or hurt.
I realize this is an ineffective manner in which to deal with things. As such, I’m making an effort to eliminate this lifetime behavior. Instead of having my knee-jerk reaction be to withdraw, I’d rather remain in the present as I face whatever it is that’s caused me to want to pull away.
This isn’t easy. Least, not for me. There are those who get put off by the way I react, taking personally my inability to deal with pain at the time. I feel bad that I end up hurting their feelings, which is a strong driving force as to why I want to improve the way I communicate in these situations.
Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend whose help I’ve enlisted to see if I can tear down the walls I tend to create, one brick at a time, as I endeavor to handle things more effectively. Not sure how it will all turn out. That’s okay, for I’m not looking for instantaneous results or perfection. Instead, I’ll measure my progress, or what I hope will be progress, one minute detail at a time.
This is how I tackle self-improvement ventures I set out to accomplish. I find that breaking down the process to more manageable segments by which I can measure my progress, I’m more inclined towards success and less likely to let a defeatist attitude get in my way.
Feeling vulnerable is never easy. It can be scary and emotionally draining. But…worse, I believe, is being incapable of effectively communicating in such situations. This is why I’m driven, as I am, to improve. Not saying things will transform overnight, or that I’ll magically learn to remain fully engaged in the present even when taxed emotionally. But my determination and intestinal fortitude has carried me through muddier waters in the past, delivering me to safe land on the other side. So with this, I’m hoping for similar positive results.
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