Thursday, November 3, 2011

While responding to one reader’s comment, I was led to think about empathy.  The dictionary describes empathy as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  But…there’s a bit of a catch to this. 

When a person is young and applying for a job, many locations turn them down flat, stressing that in order to get a job there, the individual must have experience.  When I was young and applying for jobs, I often found myself questioning: if no one will hire me, then how the heck am I supposed to get experience to get hired? I wonder if empathy might sometimes follow this same patterning?  

Many times, in order for a person to fully comprehend another’s feelings, they must have experienced something similar.  If they hadn’t, then how could they be expected to know how that other person feels, much less understand those feelings? 

Is empathy something that can be intuited?  I believe that yes, there are occasions when this might be possible.  Or must there be actual first-hand knowledge in order to complete the circle of one person being empathetic to another?  In my mind, there’s no doubt that having been-there-done-that helps a person better grasp how another might interpret the same situation.  How they might share similar feelings about such.  However, on the other hand, I don’t believe that an individual needs to have absolutely endured something similar in order to understand and share the feelings of that other. 

One of the great attributes to being human is our ability to observe others and interpret what we see.  By paying close attention to another, we can determine how a situation affects them.  Sadly, however, there are those who refuse to put this skill to use.  As such, I believe it becomes atrophied, leaving the person void of having the same level of empathy towards others as someone else might.  On the flip side, there are those who go out of their way to better educate themselves about various situations in order that they might become more empathetic.  In addition, I believe that age plays a huge role in one’s ability to be empathetic.  Why?  Because with age comes maturity—usually—and with that maturity comes the insight necessary to look deeper into how things affect others without ascribing how those things might affect us. 

Since the key elements to empathy are understanding and sharing, it would stand to reason that great patience is needed.  Why patience?  Simple.  Without patience, a person may be tempted to lose their temper with another due to their inability to understand and share with them.  So…if patience is a necessary element of empathy, then so too is self-control, for without the ability to control one’s self, that person doesn’t stand a chance at exhibiting the patience required for them to gain knowledge in order for them to become empathetic.

Bottom line…empathy is an integral part of any relationship running smoothly.  Without empathy, a breakdown of communication and lack of connectedness occur.  Once that happens, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship itself dissolves.