Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I wonder why some are inclined to refuse help from others.  Why they feel it’s an imposition for others to provide the same love, support and acceptance that they themselves have offered multiple times.  I fall into this category…or have.

Many years ago, I had a good friend say something to me that was perhaps one of the hardest yet most profound things that I could have received.  When I expressed that I thought I was burdening others to ask for help, that I’d rather drown than imposition them, my friend said, “How selfish can you be?!”

Shocked, I reeled from her harsh words as if I’d been slapped.  When I recovered, I asked her to explain.  She shared that I’d always been there for others.  That I would move heaven and earth for a friend in need, and yet, when it came time for me to grant those very same friends the privilege to do the same for me, I selfishly withheld that pleasure from them. 

My friend’s words struck a deep chord in me, enlightening me to a perspective I’d never before considered.  Mulling over what she said, I realized she was right.  That for me to deny my friends the right to help was selfish on my behalf.  That had I gone to a stranger at the water cooler and “dumped” on them, that would be an imposition.  But to reach out to my trusted friends in my hour of need was not only a healthy norm, but also it was the kindest thing I could do for them.  By doing so, I provided them the opportunity to give back just as I would and had done for them.

Since the day that girlfriend enlightened me, I’ve made it a point to push beyond my comfort level when I’m hurting.  That instead of drawing within, as I’m inclined, I reach out to those whom I know will embrace me and offer the love, support and acceptance I need.  Doing so isn’t always easy.  In fact, there are times it’s a heck of a chore to do so.  But the rewards I gain from seeing the compassion on my friends’ faces when they’re able to help and the strength I gain from that help is well worth the effort. 

As time progresses, reaching out has gotten easier.   None of us can make a go of this thing we call life as a complete solo act.  Sooner or later we’ll need a helping hand.  The grace comes not only in knowing when, how and from whom to gain that help, but also in having the dignity to ask for it when needed.