Friday, March 16, 2012

I blogged about how an individual perceives themselves, but what about how others see them?  Isn’t it interesting how some adopt a reputation of being one way when in reality, they’re anything but, carefully concealing their true identity.  So why do individuals do this?  And who’s more likely to do so?

In my experience, I’ve noticed that males are more prone to cast off a tough guy persona as a means to deflect from their softer side.  The side they share only with those to whom they’re close.  Seems society makes these individuals feel that if they reveal their softer side, then they’ll somehow be viewed as less than what they are.

What a bunch of who haw!

I believe folks should feel free to act upon whom they are not having their personalities dictated by societal expectations. 

Additionally, I’ve noticed that both males and females will emit a harsher exterior shell as a means to cloak their vulnerabilities.  Those things they aren’t prepared to have the rest of the world view or feel too weak to stand scrutiny over.

How sad.

This reminds me of the kid on the school campus who spent their entire childhood being bullied.  Unable to stand up for themselves, they’d cower and take the abuse dealt them by others further adding to their reputation of being an “easy mark.”  I have friends who fell into this category as younger children.  By the time they hit middle school, most had sustained enough abuse and learned to stand up for themselves.  As a result, an interesting thing happened.  The moment they fought back, others stood down, perplexed and somewhat in awe.  This allowed the one who had always been bullied to garner greater self-respect, something each had always been lacking.  By gaining that self-respect, they stood a little taller, carried themselves with more pride and were no longer viewed as a target by their peers.  

Yet, there is a common thread that ties each and every one of these once-bullied individuals together.  As they progressed through life, each learned to “bump up” the persona that they’re not an easy target.  Not that they bully others.  They don’t.  But, afraid of ever being bullied again, they refuse to show society their softer side, saving that for only the treasured few who make it within their carefully constructed inner walls of self-preservation.

Again, how sad.

I’ve found that these are some of the dearest individuals I feel proud to call my friends.  They are the ones who, knowing what it feels like to be cast out, wouldn’t dream of allowing such to happen to others.  They’re the first to offer a helping hand and sacrifice for those to whom they are close. 

When I’ve asked each why they don’t show more of their softer side to society, they all rely the same, “Why should we?  We hold back that side only for those deserving few.  Those with whom we’re close.”

I wish old scars wouldn’t hold these friends back from revealing who they are.  I wish cruel acts of bullying hadn’t left the impressions they did.  But most of all, I wish these individuals could feel free enough to reveal who they really are instead of peaking out from behind a shield of toughness they use to hide their vulnerabilities.