A
reader asked if I’d take the time to comprise a list of what, to me,
constitutes an ideal relationship.
Pouring over the Internet and seasoning my findings with my own
sensibilities, I have created the following list of skills that I believe lend
themselves to creating and sustaining lasting relationships.
1. Become comfortable with being alone. All too often, folks are in a rush to align
themselves with another. This occurs for
a variety of reasons, but in my humble opinion, the prevailing one is that the
person simply is not fully accepting of who they are or the path of their life
journey. A person needs to be patient
with the changes that they endure in life, for by resisting, they stifle their
ability to grow into a more profound thinker who is comfortable with and
accepting of themselves.
2. Own who you are. Take time
to learn how others perceive you. The
way you act. Treat others. Think of and handle yourself. It is only through viewing one’s self through
the objective eyes of another that a person has the true ability to own their
own garbage, put it into perspective and begin to shed some of that unwanted
waste thus freeing themselves to living a less encumbered life. Above all, maintain a sense of humor! Learn to laugh at yourself. If you can’t laugh at your foibles, then how
do ever expect to view them with objective eyes and progress beyond them?
3. See your partner for who he or she really is. Often we want to view our partner as if
they’re super human, put them up on a pedestal or completely ignore their
less-than-adorable qualities. In a close
relationship, nothing can get us in trouble faster. Respect the actual person your partner is instead of attempting to mold them
into some pre-conceived image of your ideal mate.
4. Be willing to learn from one another. Employ empathy in all your dealings with your
partner. By doing so, you not only
connect on a deeper level, but also allow for the possibility that you might
learn from one another how better to handle yourselves or a given situation.
5. Utilize your relationship to learn how to be whole within. Unless a person is able to fully accept who
they are, they are incapable of accepting another. This includes the good and the bad. Do not use a relationship as a crutch,
believing that without it you are nothing and will spontaneously cease to
exist. Instead, bolster your own
self-image and esteem, for by doing so, you’ll be better equipped to enhance
rather than drain the relationship.
6. Embrace ordinariness. All new relationships have
their “honeymoon” phase, during which each member might be blinded to what is
reality. Once the individuals remove
their rose-tinted glasses, they may be disillusioned at the ordinary person
standing before them, wondering: where did you come from? Understanding that this is normal is a huge
step towards accepting your partner for who they really are—messy parts and
all. Realize that though your partner
may not be able to leap over tall building in a single bound, they did manage
to capture you attention. Take time to
review the qualities that drew you together.
And, if after reviewing that list, there are some items that truly
bother you, be willing to compromise.
7. Let go of expectations. Many times, individuals
enter relationships with carefully constructed mental scripts of exactly how
that relationship is to play out. This
is garbage and will surely doom any pairing.
No one can know what is to come anymore than they were able to predict
the past. As such, trying to have a
relationship play out like some meticulously put together play with Act I
following Act 2 is ludicrous. Be willing
to go with the flow. Perhaps in your
particular relationship, it’s more appropriate that Act I follow Act 2 instead
of the other way around. Individuals who
are unwilling to allow things to play out according to what’s best for any
given relationship are not only shortsighted but also impair the relationship’s
ability to grow and evolve into its greatest achievement.
8. Focus on giving love. For all
those who have heard the saying: it’s better to give than receive, take
notes! This mentality works wonders in
maintaining and strengthening relationships.
Don’t fall into the trappings of believing that in order to be happy in
a relationship, you must get
love. Instead, focus on giving love, freely and without the
expectation of anything in return. It’s
through this selfless act of taking pleasure in your partner’s happiness that
true friendship, devotion and passion can blossom.
9. Expand your heart. This goes along with the aforementioned
item. Through the act of giving to
another, we begin to recognize the true capacity of love our hearts
possess. Through this awareness, we’re
able to freely offer forgiveness when one or the other screws up. Likewise, by expanding our hearts, we not
only are able to give but also can better accept affection in the true spirit
in which it was intended.
10. Be willing to scrutinize why a disagreement may begin. Do you possess a character trait that craves
drama? Are you enthralled with fighting
just so you can later make up? Are you
squeamish about wallowing in intimacy—true intimacy? Does the thought of being
up-close-and-personal with your partner, allowing yourself to become completely
vulnerable to them make your skin crawl?
Being able to honestly communicate these factors to one’s self allows a
person to manage expectations by being able to effectively communicate their
fears, anxieties, etc. to the one they love.
No comments:
Post a Comment