Monday, March 5, 2012

I’ve been studying psychology books of late and came across a thought I felt was worthy of a blog.

If a person can’t say, “no,” can they really say, “yes?”

On the surface, this seems confounding and yet simple.  And I suppose it is.  Think of how many times you get roped into doing something your don’t want to, don’t have time for or can’t see yourself enjoying, etc by others who bully you into feeling guilty if you say, “no.”  Then, there are those who simply have no willpower when it comes to saying no, under the false impression that if they exert their right for refusal, others will think poorly of them, they’ll be shunned or just feel guilty for all time and eternity.

Unless a person learns the finesse of saying no, garnering in themselves a firm understanding that they do have the right to refuse to go along with the desires of others, then they’re in no position to really say, “yes.”  Let’s explore this further.

For a person to consciously say, “yes” requires a cognitive understanding of what it is they’re agreeing to and a willingness to go along with it.  If the person is feeling oppressed or coerced into doing the will of others, then they aren’t saying, “yes.”   Instead they’re intention is to get others to stop bullying them.  Being backed into a corner to agree to something you’d rather not do isn’t giving actual consent, instead, it’s having your emotions manhandled to the point where you feel powerless to do anything but agree. 

So the bottom line here is to familiarize one’s self with saying, “no.”  Try it on for size.  Wiggle around in it.  Luxuriate in how it feels to exact your true intentions rather than allowing yourself to be bullied by those who aren’t appreciative of your efforts, only seeking someone whom they can get to do their bidding.  It is only through the power of learning to say, “no,” that one gains the strength and integrity to honestly answer, “yes.”