Friday, March 23, 2012

A conversation I had with a friend earlier sparked an intriguing blog idea.  We were discussing some lovely Queen Anne dining room chairs that had been set out by the curb the previous night with a “free” sign on them.  This got us to talking about how there are those who hoard, those who hold onto nothing and those who fall somewhere in between.  Which are you and what does that say about you?

Let’s take a closer look at this.  Why is it that some folks hoard, seeming to need to be surrounded by any and everything they can get their hands on or have ever possessed?  Why is it they can’t bear the thought of parting with their “treasures?” 

According to Dr. David Tolin, director of the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Institute of Living at Hartford Hospital, some people hoard because of perfectionism. "They don't necessarily color-code their closets, but they have that perfectionistic streak that bites them when it gets too bad," he says. "They have the mentality that, 'If I can't make this decision perfectly, I won't do it at all.' And that's where the hoarding comes in. They become so frightened that they will make a mistake, that they become paralyzed and just allow the clutter to build up."

Other people hoard because they are afraid that they will accidentally throw away something that is useful. "People with hoarding problems will often think of all kinds of ways that they could use something, or they think of people that might want that object, so they keep it," Dr. Tolin says. "The irony, however, is that in most cases, they never actually use the object in the way they thought of. They don't actually give the object to the person they thought of. So these reasons for keeping things don't turn out to be good reasons after all."

Still other people save things because they feel a sense of emotional attachment to the objects in their home. "All of us get attached to things some of the time," Dr. Tolin says. "We have things that remind us of people we love, or they remind us of happy times. But for people with hoarding problems, the attachment to objects becomes very intense—sometimes more intense than the attachment to actual people. And instead of feeling attached to one thing, like a scrapbook or a favorite sweater, they can become attached to hundreds, even thousands, of things. Some people have told me that all of the things in their homes feel like their friends or family members, so they can't bear to throw them out."

What about those who can’t stand to hold onto anything?  They’re what are defined as possession purgers.  These individuals tend to believe that to surround one’s self with excessive “baggage,” meaning trinkets, belongings and even emotional thoughts is to bog one’s self down, interfering with one’s quest for a more spiritual existence where the individual is more in tune with their inner Self than with mere possessions, which come and go but ultimately have no bearing on that individual.

Then there are those who fall between hoarders and possession purgers.  These folks routinely do “spring cleaning,” shedding unwanted items while holding onto those they consider more meaningful.  Could be that the meaning stems from emotional ties to the item itself, who it came from or that it commemorates a specific time or place in the person’s past that they hold dear.  Whatever the reason, these midline individuals have it within them to identify those things they need to hold onto from those that are no longer of use.

This brings me back to the Queen Anne chairs my friend and I saw placed out by the curb with the “free” sign on them.  This friend and I are both mid-liners.  Above that, we believe strongly that whenever possible, it’s better to make unwanted items available to others rather than overflowing landfills with them—one man’s trash is another’s treasure….  Guess you could say we take recycling seriously.  As we drove by the house where the chairs had been earlier, the curb was now empty.  Smiling, I expressed how happy that made me, because someone had taken the unwanted chairs and would get good use out of them.  My friend smiled, agreeing. 

So here are some questions to ponder.  Are you a hoarder, a possession purger or a mid-liner?  Being able to identify one’s self as one or the other is the first step.  The next is to determine why you function as you do.  What does being one or the other say about you?  Do you hoard, purge or mid-line as a result of what was demonstrated in your youth?  Is your behavior dictated by a compulsive personality?  Are you driven by a higher purpose, societal expectations or just an inner voice that tells you what you should do?  If you’ve identified where you fall, are you comfortable with your placement on the scale?  Or would you like to alter how you act?  Ultimately, what drives your decisions?