Recently, I’ve found myself having the same conversation with various individuals. Though the actual details of those conversations differ slightly, a common thread runs through them all—differences. We’ve discussed how one person will view a situation one way, while another, exposed to the very same set of circumstances, will walk away with an entirely different impression.
Does this mean that one perspective is right? That one should be favored over another? That one person is right? The other wrong? All tough questions, each of which can be answered with yes…and also with no. And, of course, that depends on which view of the situation you’ve taken on.
Perhaps you’ve opted to see things in a broader, all-encompassing positive light, while another sees things from a more self-centered standpoint. Allow me to use an example. Suppose you’re caught in worse-than-usual traffic on your way to work. Turning on the news, you discover that there has been a terrible accident, involving one or more fatalities. What do you do?
You could get upset that your commute has taken longer than it should have. You could blame those involved. You could count your blessings that you weren’t amongst them. That you will live to see another day, even though you may end up arriving late to your destination. You could take a moment to send good thoughts to those involved and their loved ones. Or you could focus on the fact that you’re going to be late.
Arriving at work, you find that other colleagues have also been detained by the traffic. And here’s where differences kick into high gear. Some of those will opt to make the experience all about them, not bothering to empathize with those who lost their lives. And when you try to express how you’re not the least bit irritated by having been made late, they look at you completely dumb-founded, unable to comprehend your point of view.
Here’s another example. The different ways males versus females think about things. Do we both process situations? Yes. Do we do so in the same manner? Heck no! Never have. Never will. Does that make a woman’s thought process superior? Right? The only way? Or does it place the male’s perspective as paramount?
Actually, as far as I can see, the two can’t be compared, for the different manners in which men versus women think about things run on completely different planes, utterly parallel with no hope of ever crossing paths. Does this mean we should run around getting pissed off at the opposite sex on a regular basis? That men are insensitive cads incapable of reasonable thought? Or that women know everything? That once a male thinks they’ve figured out that female, she changes her opinion just to drive him crazy? Should we focus on the differences in the way we see things? In my opinion, no.
So what does it mean? I think it’s a great teaching tool for us. One meant to instruct us in tolerance and understanding. Well, understanding might be pushing things a bit. But we can at least concede that males and females think differently. And once we’ve acknowledged that fact—fact, not fiction—we owe it to ourselves to accept it as a given. Something we cannot change. And one we shouldn’t want to. For if we all thought the same and processed experiences in the same manner, where would be the diversity? The difference of opinion? The unique view of looking at things from another angle, one we might not have considered?
Perhaps what we should be doing is letting go our drive to prove that ours is the best point. The only correct one. And instead, we should agree that due to differences of opinion, people will occasionally clash. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is when the main focus gets placed on those differences, which causes friction and more opportunities to clash.
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