Thursday, October 7, 2010

In the past, I have written articles and blogged about appreciating one’s family, especially maintaining healthy relationships with one’s children. This came to mind the other day while I was driving and overheard a commercial on the radio where a woman spoke about how, in a nutshell, babies capture our hearts, then morph into little kids who talk nonstop who morph yet again into teenagers who won’t engage with their parents unless it is to argue. Listening to that ad, made me sad. Not angry or upset, but sad, for it reminded me of how many don’t experience positive relationships with their children.

Me, I can’t imagine not having the relationships I do with each of my four children. And I find myself, more and more, marveling over the fact that I like them—really like them. Not because they are my kids but because of who they are. The amazing individuals they’ve grown into. The compassion they display on a daily basis. The empathy they’re able to share with the plights of others. The morals they hold themselves to, understanding that others have a right to adhere to their own standards. Their dedication and devotion to striving to live the lives they were meant to live while not judging others who follow a different path.

There are few things that I enjoy more than spending time with my children. Three are now grown adults embarking on their own personal journeys, and I am mindful to be respectful of allowing them to make their own ways. Our youngest, a freshman in high school, is at a point when many pull away from their parents, fearful of judgment, lecturing or a total lack of understanding. I take great solace in the fact that my son and I enjoy spending time together, just as each of his siblings did at this awkward stage. I’m grateful that he doesn’t feel the need to pull away and trusts that his feelings will always be respected, as will his dreams, hopes and ambitions.

So what do I credit the relationships I have with my children? Simple, I treat them as human beings, honoring them as I would like to be honored myself. I do not belittle them or attempt to derail the dreams they have. That is not my place. Mine is not to create good children, but rather to usher into the world capable adults who will have a good sense of who they are, how they can contribute and a willingness to be productive members of society. By maintaining this philosophy, I’m able to let go a lot of the little stuff that’s not worth worrying over, while focusing on those aspects of my children’s characters that will help actualize them into happy, healthy, productive adults who can enmesh themselves into society.