Saturday, October 16, 2010

There are those who, when handed a prescription for painkillers, are happy. Me…I’m not. Can’t stand the way they make me feel—sick to my stomach and not quite myself. Like everything is fuzzy around the edges. I’ve been this way for as long as I can recall, never adopting the mentality that it’s great to feel nothing or to have my senses dulled.

When I was younger and people I knew were into drugs, I could never understand what the appeal was, wondering why someone would willingly want to hand control of himself or herself over to…a chemical. Something they couldn’t control. Something that could make them do stupid things they’d end up remorseful for later.

I was the same with drinking. Never quite saw the appeal. Does that mean I didn’t drink when younger. No, I did. But after getting drunk a couple of times, I realized what a waste that was. To drink was expensive, took away my reasoning, impaired my judgment and made me feel like garbage the next day. And what I experienced while drinking…I couldn’t call that feeling good, for I believe the alcohol dulled my ability to feel much of anything.

Yup, that’s me, don’t smoke, do drugs and if I do drink, it’s perhaps one drink every six months. Can that be considered drinking? Guess I engage on those occasions just to remind myself of how little of an appeal alcohol has for me. Painkillers and any prescription drugs hold absolutely no appeal to me.

Of course, when faced with undergoing surgery, I realize there is a need for certain “maintenance” medications, and I agree to take them, well…sort of. The antibiotics, I take until they’re gone, just like I’m supposed to. But the pain meds…no way! I take them only when absolute necessary. Then I go off them cold turkey as soon as possible just as I did last night, believing that it’s better to feel a little pain and be aware than to feel nothing.

So that brings me full circle, my inability to understand how folks like or get addicted to painkillers. Not that I’m judging, or trying to make myself out to be a saint. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I just honestly don’t understand. And when I think of all those who have inclinations to lean towards those vises, I get sad, thinking about how much they’re missing and how at risk they’re putting themselves and possibly others.