Recently, I spoke with a friend about boundaries in relationships. We talked about how relationships can only survive if there are definite boundaries established and honored. Without those, chaos ensues. The relationship is weakened and eventually falls apart.
Different relationships require specific boundaries. For example, if you are mere colleagues, it’s inappropriate to go up to a co-worker and spill your guts about your most personal issues. Why? Because it puts undue pressure on the one having to listen. They have no commitment to you. No agreement that you will approach one another and air your “messiness.” Since no such parameters have been established, mere acquaintance boundaries need to be respected. Translation—you are cordial to on another. Perhaps you sit at the same table in the break room. Share snacks. But that’s where the relationship begins and ends. You do not have the right to use them as your personal dumping bag for all of your garbage.
There are, however, relationships where such an exchange of dumping garbage is acceptable. And that right there, is the key—a mutual dumping of garbage. In those relationships, it has been clearly established that such behavior is not only acceptable but also preferred, for in those relationships, each member takes turns shoring up the other. As such, balance is maintained. One does not dump, and dump and dump on the other, never taking a break to allow the other person a chance to unload whatever burdens they may be experiencing.
In order for a relationship to not only survive, but for it to thrive, each member must first nourish himself or herself. Doing so will allow them the fortitude necessary to give back to the relationship. Prioritizing nourishment of one’s self is a conscious effort. One that requires that the individual believe themselves worthy enough to prioritize self-nourishment.
When boundaries are clearly defined and honored in a relationship, that relationship is able to thrive. As such, solidarity can be achieved. With solidarity comes strength in unity—the greatest end goal of any relationship.
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